An Exercise In Nonsense

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

Easily the biggest piece of Right wing non sense propaganda I ever saw.

Four friends break into an abandoned insane asylum in search of a death certificate which will grant one of them a large inheritance. However, finding it soon becomes the least of their worries in a place haunted by dark memories. I can't believe that Robert Patrick (Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Die Hard 2: Die Harder) and Eliza Dushku (True Lies, Wrong Turn) agreed to star in this horrible mess of a film which dragged, bored and just wasted my freaking time. Eloise is nothing more than a low budget mystery horror flick that doesn't work. (0/10)

'Eloise' drew me into seeing it, with a cool poster, an intriguing idea and as someone with a general appreciation for horror. That it was low-budget, which from frequent personal experience is rarely a good sign due to that there are so many poor ones out there, made me though apprehensive. Watching 'Eloise', it was yet another film to waste potential and be pretty underwhelming, its worst elements being pretty awful, with a lot more wrong than right. 'Eloise' is not great, or good, has a fair share of problems (fairly big ones too) and doesn't do enough with its potential, which was hardly small. There are however a few decent, even good, qualities in 'Eloise'.Lets start with the positives. The scenery is atmospheric, likewise with the very nice way it's shot. The music is suitably spooky and quirky and doesn't distract at all from the atmosphere, while not exactly enhancing it. Acting is better than average, the first third was promising and a few scares are effective.However, the story does feel over-stretched and some of it feels vague, under-explained in the last third where the film especially became duller, more predictable, more senseless and less scary. Too many characters are too sketchy and with nowhere near enough to make one want to endear to them. Their irritating and illogical decision making and behaviours insult the intelligence. Too many things don't add up and should have been resolved much better or made more cohesive. Making the film feel bland, muddled and forgettable with not enough heart put into it.Dialogue can be stilted and rambling while the pace is uneven, dragging in a lot of the second half and never is it exciting. Found too many the supposedly shocking moments not surprising or scary and the supposedly creepy atmosphere dreary, due to the excessive obviousness and the lack of tension and suspense. The last third badly sags in momentum and the atmosphere completely falls flat.Overall, underwhelmingly mediocre but could have been much worse. 4/10 Bethany Cox

Jacob Martin (Chace Crawford) discovers his father has died and has left him a considerable inheritance with a catch. He must first prove his aunt (Nicole Forester) is dead, a person who most likely succumbed at the great fire of the Eloise Asylum. Her records are in the annex and can not be accessed without a court order which would take several months. Jacob's friend (Brandon T. Jackson) has an urgent need for money, so they opt to do a second story liberation. They enlist the help of Scott (P.J. Byrne) a slightly mentally dysfunctional person, and his sister Pia (Eliza Dushku) to look after Scott. Their mother worked at the infamous hospital known for "confrontation therapy" and Scott knows how to sneak into the records room.It was a dark and stormy night....This is the type of film that has been done many times before. It opens with a plot spoiler as an incident is being investigated. We already know two people who die and one survivor. Robert Patrick plays the evil doctor. There is also a Nurse Fletcher (Milica Govich) clearly a nod to Louise Fletcher. I don't mind stories that are familiar if they are done well. The acting was good. The intensity was spot on. The dialogue was decent.Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity

Oh, dear Lord – where to begin? A horror film? The only thing horrific about this movie is that it was filmed at all. The plot is nonsensical to the point of being laughable. The acting is forgettable to say the least, and this from a guy who has tremendous admiration for Eliza Dushku. But even her fading skills cannot resurrect this travesty. The plot holes are so huge and so numerous as to belie description. Let's start with the asylum itself, supposedly abandoned for 30 years. Amazingly, it still has power to all the lights, although they all are flickering constantly. Having all the red EXIT lights still visible and functioning after three decades was a nice touch. The hospital medicine cabinet is still fully stocked after 30 years, which allows one of the ridiculously unnecessary characters to accidentally absorb some LSD. Say what? I found myself regularly saying "Seriously?" out loud, even though I was alone. It was that bad. Not even any gratuitous sex scenes to liven things up, nor does the still-luscious Eliza even wear any form fitting clothes for some desperately-needed eye candy. This film disappoints on virtually every level. I would give it a zero rating if I could. The only thing you will want after watching is to somehow get that wasted hour and a half back. Eliza, Eliza ... are times really that hard now?