Good start, but then it gets ruined

It's entirely possible that sending the audience out feeling lousy was intentional

There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

Watching it is like watching the spectacle of a class clown at their best: you laugh at their jokes, instigate their defiance, and "ooooh" when they get in trouble.

. . . RED SONJA flick of note playing on the Big Screen during the past two or three decades. That's because this offering from the 1980s got it right the first time. While BATMAN, SUPERMAN, SPIDER-MAN, and THE INCREDIBLE HULK all suffered through countless "reboots," newcomer "Nielson's" rating began--and ended--on top. Her dazzling RED SONJA debut is the Major League Baseball equivalent of some American League flame-throwing rookie relief pitcher getting his first-ever MLB at-bat with the bases loaded but two outs in Game Seven's bottom of the 18th and earning a World Series ring by hammering a walk-off Grand Slam on a 3-2 pitch. Eight guys played Batman, but you'll NEVER see even half that many chicks portraying RED SONJA. Just as T.A. Edison could only electrocute "Topsy" the universally beloved Coney Island elephant once (1904--you can STILL see this pachyderm sizzle at the taxpayer-funded U.S. Library of Congress website), RED SONJA could only give birth to WONDER WOMAN & Company a single time.

In 1985, discussions were being made regarding the making of a third Conan the Barbarian film, Conan the Conqueror. What we got instead was a spin-off movie with Conan's female counterpart, Red Sonja, and Arnold Schwarzenegger came back to play another character, Lord Kalidor, as the producers were unable to get the rights to Conan. What was meant to be a cameo turned out to be a major part, and what could have been at least a moderately exciting diversion became the worst film to be set in the Hyborian world.The films begins with Red Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen), whose family has been murdered and who has been raped by the soldiers of an evil queen (Sandahl Bergman), is given powers by a fairy who is never referred to again. Later, Lord Kalidor (Schwarzenegger) is on his way to a ceremony to destroy a device called the Talisman, when he discovers Sonja's sister mortally wounded. He takes her to Sonja, who decides to undergo a quest to destroy the Talisman herself, and eventually get revenge on the evil queen who wronged her.Let me start by saying that you could not get a worse actress to play Sonja than Brigitte Nielsen. This was her first film, and she was a mere 21 years old. When she speaks most of the time, she looks like she is trying to show off, and not play a character. In fact, pretty much all the actors pull of sub-par performances, even Schwarzenegger, who at times looks unexcited to be in the film. However, when his performance is at his best, he is the only actor who is watchable.Character is another problem. Sonja basically has the same backstory as Conan in his initial outing (except Conan was never raped by Thulsa Doom or his men), so it comes off as a repeat of what came before (I've never read the original stories with Sonja). Her whole arc is practically learning to accept having a man to be her lover because she needs one to be happy. Dear Lord. Bergman's evil queen wants to rule the world with the Talisman, but it's also established from the beginning that she has a special interest in Sonja that is never explained. Kalidor may as well be Conan and he develops a love for Sonja that is established improperly. To slightly diverge, Nielsen and Schwarzenegger actually flirted on-set and she fell in love with him. Schwarzenegger rejected her, but directed her to Sylvester Stallone, who became her husband for a couple of years, and her co-star in films like Rocky 4 and Cobra. There is also a little kid prince and his fat, adult servant, who serve no purpose other than comic relief. The kid is incredibly annoying and makes you wish that somebody would just kill him already, since he seems to have many enemies.Another problem is the lack of threat and tension. The queen is aware of Sonja's quest, but seems to only rely on the Talisman to create bad weather; she doesn't even send any men out to try to stop Sonja midway. There is also a serpent made of metal, but it is easy to defeat, and the most it does is take Kalidor for a ride. At times when Sonja is killing a couple of the minor villains in the film, it looks like they are giving up and lowering their defenses on purpose, because if they kept trying, the film would go on longer and it is required in the script that they die (one of the villains also has awful Fu-Manchu claws). Additionally, the special effects and matte paintings look pretty obvious, the fighting choreography is average, and the score by Ennio Morricone, while not bad, sounds more suited to one of the Spaghetti Westerns he worked on.Red Sonja is a waste of film and not something that anyone should be forced to watch. When comparing the two Conan films, the first is a fantasy masterpiece with a great director at the helm (John Milius), an awesome score, great action, a menacing villain in James Earl Jones's Thulsa Doom, and an endearing theme about the human spirit. The sequel, Conan the Destroyer, plays off like an average, kid- friendly B- movie version of the first with a less interesting quest, awkward monster fights, and one or two unnecessary side characters, but it still entertains to an extent and some actually enjoy it more than the original for having more fantasy elements. This film has no reason to exist and is even considered a waste of time by Schwarzenegger himself. He makes the film a little watchable, but that's it. Fun fact: Schwarzenegger has joked that when his kids misbehaved, he would make them watch Red Sonja ten times. Now that's effective punishment right there. Who needs grounding?

This movie is advertised as an Arnold Swartzenegger movie but he really only plays a supporting character to the role of Sonja (Bridgette Neilson). The story of this movie is quiet good, carrying lots of fantasy elements in it like guardian beasts, huge spiders, wicked queens, and a powerful artifact that can destroy the world. Unfortunately the acting is really bad. One may think that the actors in this movie, even the famous Arnie, never went to acting school. This is surprising because Neilson was much better in Beverly Hills Cop II. But in this movie most of the lines were poorly delivered and the script was incredibly corny.The plot is a typical fantasy plot. A powerful artifact is to be destroyed but the wicked queen Gedren (Sandahl Bergmen) comes along with her powerful army and kills all of the priestesses and steals the talisman. The thing about the talisman is that only a woman can touch it so Gedren is very happy. She then takes the Talisman to he castle and begins her plan to conquer the world. Sonja, who has come afoul of Gedren before, learns of the attack in which her sister is killed and storms off after Gedren.This movie seems to be an anti-feminist movie. Women have the power in this movie, in regards to the talisman, and play a prominent part. Sonja hates men and believes that she can get along with out having to rely upon any man. Yet Prince Kalidor (Arnold Swartzenegger) always appears and fights for her when it seems that she is almost defeated. This movie seems to try to say that women and men need to work together and they cannot write each other out. There is also the idea, as symbolised by Kalidor and Sonja being swordspeople of equal ability, that there is no difference between men and women and that they are equals.It is a shame that most fantasy movies only come out as half-hearted attempts at some entertainment. There is truly very few good fantasy movies on the shelves of the video store. Fantasy is more of an uncliched genre as it has not really been explored as much as it could be. So far it has remained the realm of the novel but there is much room for it to move to the big screen.

Veteran director Richard Fleischer follows up his movie "Conan the Destroyer" with this fantasy-adventure also based on the writings of Robert E. Howard. Ultimately, this movie is a trifle compared to the original "Conan the Barbarian", but if the viewer isn't too demanding, it may yield adequate entertainment.Like "Conan the Destroyer", it's supposedly aimed at a younger demographic, but is actually a little strong for its PG-13 rating, with some gory bits, decapitations, implied rape, and the lesbian overtures made by the villainess towards the heroine.The movie is basically competently made, with good production design (by Danilo Donati) and stunts, reasonably diverting swordplay, and a decent pace (this only runs 89 minutes long). There's also a fairly effective score by the great Ennio Morricone. However, there's never much of a sense of danger; this story definitely lacks edge.Said story centres around the title character, played by Brigitte Nielsen in the role that introduced her. She's a warrior whose people were wiped out by an evil queen (Sandahl Bergman, who of course was Valeria in "Conan the Barbarian") and she embarks on a quest to destroy a powerful "talisman" that's fallen into the queens' hands. Her fellow travellers include muscle bound Kalidor (Arnold Schwarzenegger, presumably doing a favour for Fleischer), an insufferable brat of a prince (Ernie Reyes Jr.) and the princes' put-upon, comedy relief guardian Falkon (Paul L. Smith).The acting ranges from acceptable (also appearing is Ronald Lacey of "Raiders of the Lost Ark" as the queens' creepy flunky) to just incredibly laughable. Nielsen and Bergman are so terrible that their performances are sure to generate some big guffaws from the viewer. Still, they both look great, and that has to count for something. Reyes Jr. certainly does succeed at making his character annoying.While it manages to remain watchable throughout, this is pretty forgettable once it's over. It's got some amusing moments, but none to give it any real spark.Five out of 10.