Dreadfully Boring

Absolutely brilliant

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

In this Viking epic, Richard Widmark plays a Norseman with a talent for telling tall tales. There's a flaw in that plot description, however. Richard Widmark sounds like a cowboy, not a Viking, so how can he convincingly pull off his schemes? He can't. But, for some unknown reason, no one questions his supposed heritage; when he's captured by Prince Sidney Poitier's guards, he tells a tale of a giant golden bell, supposedly worth millions. Sidney agrees to spare his life if he helps him find the bell. Meanwhile, Sidney's wife, Rosanna Schiaffino, is more than frustrated with her husband's lack of intimate interest in her, and with another good-looking man in the picture, she might look elsewhere to get her needs met.While you're busy scratching your head wondering why anyone cast Dick Widmark in a period piece, you'll find out he's not the only unconvincing Viking in the movie. Russ Tamblyn plays his younger brother, who's in love with Bebe Loncar, and both of them are painfully contemporary. The Long Ships gives period pieces a bad name. It's full of expensive sets and costumes, action scenes and supposedly dramatic dialogue, but it's just too ridiculous to be taken seriously. Russ gets to demonstrate his famous acrobatic talents in some of the fight scenes, but you're better off watching Tom Thumb.The only realistic part of the film is actually quite disturbing. In the middle of the night, the Vikings break into the safety of palace. They see dozens of scantily-clad sleeping women and absolutely lose their minds and attack them. The women are screaming, and the men grab incessantly, pulling them offscreen, dragging them to the floor or wherever they can exert their force and have their way. Since the film was made in 1964, nothing besides forced kisses are shown, but it's an extremely upsetting scene since that's probably exactly what happened back then.Even though 1964 was a more liberated film-making era than the previous decade, certain restrictions were still in place. The women's costumes bared their bellybuttons—which was previously a no-no—but their torsos were covered with a flesh-colored mesh so as to not shock the audience. Actually, the men's costumes were much more risqué than the women's! The Vikings were clad in leather tunics, with extremely short shorts underneath. Russ and Dick seemed to be in constant competition as to who could show off their biceps more often and who could wear the shortest Speedo.The bottom line is yes, Richard Widmark is incredibly good-looking, but this is a pretty terrible movie. You don't need to watch it, unless you're having serious beefcake withdrawals.

Richard Widmark is excellent in the Kirk Douglas role, Sidney Poitier cast very much against type as the villain and Gordon Jackson as a cowardly Viking providing comic relief many years before he became the authority figure made famous by his roles in The Professionals and Upstairs/Downstairs.2 things that really stand out about this film, the revelation of the giant bell (which seems to float very well considering it's supposed to be solid gold?)and the 'Steel mare' torture device which really is the stuff of nightmares, like the Tarzan film where his African porters would be ripped apart by being tied to criss crossed palm trees. Even though this is all implied and you don't actually ever see anything it's still amazing that this is a PG? The way Poitier's ruler casually sacrifices the life of one of his men to prove a point is horrifying. Unusually he's portrayed quite nobly and the relationship with his head harem girl is interesting and multi-layered, eventually when she dies for him you totally buy it. Really you couldn't make this film today, the blonde and blue eyed Vikings defeating an Islamic enemy not to mention their lusty raid on the harem girls. You also have the extremely beautiful Viking princess being given to the delighted harem girls as their new plaything before being presented primped and pouting to her new master as his latest slavegirl, scenes that probably launched a 1001 historical romance novels. So all told not as powerful as The Vikings but possibly more fun.

The 1964 British-Yugoslavian epic "The Long Ships" with Richard Widmark and Sidney Poitier, concerns a rivalry between marauding Viking seafarers and Moorish swordsmen. The hero and villain are searching for a fabled gigantic golden bell of legend reputed to be as tall as three men and made with 'half the gold in the world.' This entertaining, formulaic, far-fetched nonsense has Widmark hamming it up as a rogue Viking while Poitier plays his Moorish prince with a straight face as well as straightened hair. Since cinematographer-turned- helmer Jack Cardiff had lensed director Richard Fleischer's "The Vikings" (1958), Cardiff knew something about colorful Norsemen. He stages several battles and does an effective job of deploying men and horses in those physical encounters. "Sink the Bismarck" lenser Christopher Challis does a wonderful job capturing the spectacular vigor of this larger-than-life adventure with its breathtaking scenery. Nevertheless, if you're expecting a traditional Viking movie with brawny muscle-bound brutes wielding massive broadswords and wearing imposing helmets decorated with horns as in Fleischer's "The Viking," prepare to be disappointed. Losing his ship in a violent storm during the opening credits, ne'er-do-well Viking navigator Rolfe (Richard Widmark of "The Alamo") finds himself washed ashore as the lone survivor in an alien land. Actually, the stormy sailing sequences consist of footage from later in the film that Cardiff shifted to the title credits. I've seen this movie many times and the black funeral sail gives the ship away. Nevertheless, Rolfe wanders foreign lands trying to acquire money to return home to his native Scandinavia. Long-time James Bond title sequence master Maurice Binder created the silhouette sequence where the Monks take in the shipwrecked Rolfe and he hears initially about the mythical bell. Irving Allen produced this lusty saga over an evidently considerable budget. At one time, Allen served as Albert R. Broccoli's producing partner. Allen and Broccoli split when Broccoli decided to produce Ian Fleming's 007 novels. The misguided Allen foresaw little future in James Bond. Rolfe is spinning his yarn about the 'Mother of Voices,' the giant gilded bell of legend, in the marketplace when Mansuh's warriors arrest him and take him to Mansuh. The Moorish prince has Rolfe incarcerated in a high room in his palace. Mansuh threatens to torture Rolfe if he refuses to divulge the whereabouts of the golden bell. Rolfe manages to escape by diving out an open window into the sea. He returns to his father's village during a celebration as Krok (Oskar Homolka of "Funeral in Berlin") is about to sell King Harold (Clifford Evans of "S.O.S. Pacific") a funeral ship. King Harold cheats Krok out of his ship and gives the elder ship builder two gold coins. Rolfe shows up and tells Krok that he knows where the giant bell is. Neither Krok nor Rolfe's younger brother, Orm (Russ Tamblyn of "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers") believe him. In any case, Krok tells Rolfe that he has no ship. Rolfe decides to steal King Harold's ship because Harold has clearly cheated Krok. Rolfe kidnaps Harold's daughter to ensure that Harold doesn't hang Krok. They take King Harold's skipper Sven (Edward Judd of "First Men in the Moon") hostage along with the king's daughter and set sail. Predictably, Harold pursues them in his many ships. A storm beaches Rolfe's ship and crew and they find themselves fighting for their lives against Mansuh's warriors. Hopelessly outnumbered after repeated attacks, Rolfe orders his men to surrender to the Moors and they are imprisoned. When they refuse to divulge the whereabouts of the legendary bell, Mansuh threatens to ride Rolfe down the wicked Mare of Steel, a humongous scimitar with a horse's head and a sharp, cutting edge. Mansuh demonstrates not only the brutality of the Mare of Steel but also the blind obedience of his men when his wife, Ylva, chooses one to demonstrate the lethal nature of his huge torture device. Eventually, our heroes find the bell, but they are misled about its status in an interesting misdirect of ironic proportions. Mansuh has taken Rolfe and his men as his prisoners and forces them to repair their ship since they explain that his own galleys would never weather the maelstrom of the waters surrounding the place where they heard the bell reverberate with its deafening cacophony. It seems doubtful in our equal opportunity age that "The Long Ships" could be remade without altering the drama of the story. For example, Islam is depicted as villainous and Mansuh, his army, and even his wife must perish at the hands of the Vikings. There are many problems with the nature of the bell that the filmmakers gloss over, but none of these really interferes with the outlandish nature of the plot. Of course, the bell would never have survived the plunge that this one takes when he falls off a mountain into the sea without some signs of wear and tear.Anybody familiar with the work of British actor Lionel Jeffries may have a tough time finding him. He is virtually unrecognizable as Mansuh's palace eunuch Aziz. Dusan Radic's majestic orchestral musical score ranks as truly memorable. "The Long Ships" features lots of fights as well as the ultimate torture device called 'the Mare of Steel.' The Mare is a gigantic curved sword, razor-sharp with a horse's head. The victim is sent sliding down it and gets sliced into two pieces. Atmospheric and suspenseful at times. Widmark's Viking complains that everybody believes his lies but nobody believes the truth when he tells it. "Jason and the Argonauts" scenarist Beverly Cross and "Dr. No" scribe Berkely Mather penned "The Long Ships" screenplay from Frans G. Bengtsson's novel. Despite some slow spots, "The Long Ships" is a lot of fun.

Every Tale, fable, or legend has a basis in some small fact. In this film called " The Long Ships " we have a Viking reciting a legend which was once told to his people of a great bell which was as high as 'three tall men.' Said to have been created by the monks of Byzantium, in actuality, they had indeed cast one out of solid gold, but was small enough to be handed as a gift to the German emperor, for his personal chapel, during the middle ages. As with most 'fish' stories, the size of the bell grew with each retelling. For this movie, the seekers are Northmen, not Germanic knights as in the original tale. Still, the movie is entertaining enough due to the major stars in it. Here we have, Richard Widmark as Rolfe, a seafaring Viking who is captured by Aly Mansuh, the Moorish prince (Sidney Poitier) who threatens him with torture is he does not reveal its location. Then there is Russ Tamblyn as Orm, his very agile brother and then of course there is international star Oskar Homolka as Krok, who is their father. All in all, a good film, for an otherwise lazy afternoon. ****