Your blood may run cold, but you now find yourself pinioned to the story.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.

The movie is wonderful and true, an act of love in all its contradictions and complexity

Bobby Ray Shafer has made a very funny, very entertaining movie here with "They Want Dick Dickster." Clearly leaning on his experiences in Hollywood, Shafer also relies strongly on the exploits of legendary Hollywood actors and directors to create a witty mockumentary about movie-making.Shafer shows he's not just a talented actor, but he also is a sharp writer has a keen eye for producing.The supporting cast also do a good job of making the movie a fun time. Jan Broberg in particular was fun to watch.This one is worth your time, for sure.

Upfront, I'll admit that I don't often watch comedies. Even so, I'm certain that I had a stupid grin on my face during most of this movie's running time. I feel it has the potential to become a cult favorite, and hope it receives some well-deserved success for those involved.Dick Dickster is not an easy man to root for, but it's hard not to like him! He's his own worst enemy; not that the seedy Hollywood underbelly offers many favors. Bobby Ray Shafer delivers a Quaid-esque performance in the titular role! The character is at once larger than life, and bigger than his britches.When his shady cohorts aren't besting him, Dickster's struggle with the bottle surely gets the better of him. His antics open the door for many colorful, eccentric moments, and the casting for those who have to contend with him was on the nose. Tim Abell was particularly memorable as a heavy, and lovely Jan Broberg proved to be a great foil! I was also impressed by Tim Russ' performance...and voice. It seemed to me that this was a labor of love effort that brought out the best in all involved, which added to my enjoyment.I viewed this as a send-up of some of the dark comedies of yesteryear, with a modernized spin. The documentary-style BTS adventure offers the sort of insight that movie lovers hope only happens in the movies! Along the way, there are plenty of laughs, a plethora of colorful characters, and some well-delivered twists to elevate the script and humor. A batch of cameos lends a particular sort of Hollywood street cred, as well as some of the best anecdotes about the "artist" known as Dick Dickster.Well done, Mister Shafer! Not only have you delivered a showpiece for your talents, you've also established a universe filled with potential sequels and movie-within-a-movie antics!

With the bleakness of "Hail Caesar" and the silliness of "The Room", THEY WANT DICK DICKSTER is anchored by a hilarious performance by character actor Robert R. Shafer (Bob Vance, "The Office"; "Psycho Cop"). Now have fun recommending it to people and having everyone think you're recommending a porno film. Spoiler alert: everyone's going to think it's a porno. And don't do any drinking games revolving around the utterance of"Dick Dickster." You will die of alcohol poisoning. Or embarrassment. Or both.

BELSER MOVIE REVIEWS: "THEY WANT DICK DICKSTER". Nursing a nasty hangover? No fear. The Belser is here to help you relieve that ailment. My bag of tricks includes some witty wisdom and interesting insight on the movie review tip. This is a special one for BELSER MOVIE REVIEWS. Mainly because this is an independent film, not a major release like I usually do. Now, last night, I was privileged to be invited to the premiere of a new film titled 'They Want Dick Dickster'. NO, it's not a porno. Well, not really. More on that in a moment. HERE'S THE STORY: Shot documentary- style, this movie follows film director Dick Dickster (Robert Ray Shafer), a washed- up alcoholic has-been (actually, 'never-was' is more accurate). His only claim to fame is a really bad cult classic horror flick he made years earlier called (appropriately) "Cult of Doom". Since that movie, he fell into a depression and has basically burned every bridge he's ever established. Dick is now universally despised, both in and out of the industry. However, a young USC film student ( and fan of Cult of Doom) offers to shot a documentary /comeback project about the life of Dickster. Also, in a stroke of luck, he gets an offer to do a porno remade of his most famous movie, titled "Cult of Poon" (not making that up). Between film crews, loan sharks, strippers, midgets and booze, get ready to look into the crazy world of Dick Dickster. ACTING AND WRITING: Acting wise, Robert Ray Shafer (THE OFFICE, the PSYCHO COP movies) really stole the show as Dick Dickster. Shafer turned a miserable, egotistical, selfish lush with no redeeming qualities into a very likable character. It reminded me a lot of Billy Bob Thornton in 'BAD SANTA'. You actually say to yourself, "Why do I like this guy?" but he kept you engaged. I dig that. The supporting cast was quite colorful as well. Among them are Tim Abell as a loan shark/screenwriter and Calvin Tenner as a buff Army Ranger with a gay midget boyfriend. The real stand out was Tim Russ (STAR TREK: VOYAGER) as Sammy Davas Jr, Dickster's scheming agent and his only friend (despite the fact Dick owes him money). On the sexier side of the game, we have Melanie Good as Dickster's stripper ex-wife, Jan Broberg as the producer of Cult of Poon( and an ex porn star), and a number of young stars including Frankie Cullen and Tasha Halevi. I really loved the documentary aspect of it. Especially, the talking head interviews from people like Richard Grieco, Gerald Webb, director Fred Ray and others about how much they hate Dickster. Humor wise, this movie is brought to you by the same guys that brought you movies like 3-HEADED SHARK ATTACK and the SHARKNADO movies for The Asylum, so it's crazy funny. Lots of language, sex jokes, fart jokes, vomiting and some nudity. My kind of movie. FINAL WORD: Would I watch this again? My answer: HELL YES!! I loved this movie from start to finish. Kudos to director/writer Chris Ray, producer Gerald Webb and writer/producer/ star Robert Ray Shafer. Considering the fact these guys made a feature length film in 6 DAYS TIME, this movie is quite an accomplishment.Be on the look for Deinstitutionalized Films who made this flick. Check it out when it comes out on Netflix or on DVD. This movie GETS the Belser Seal of Approval.