Powerful

Must See Movie...

Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

Blistering performances.

So you saw Troll 2 and you thought "hahaha, this is amazingly bad, the acting and the script are so terrible, nothing makes sense." Well Things is like bad movie 2.0. Literally everything about the movie is utterly incompetent, from the makeup and prosthetics, to the cinematography and sound mixing. The only real question is where to begin, so to make this easier I'm going to go through every element of the movie and discuss it.Plot: The plot of Things is extremely simple, but handled so incompetently that it turns into the most difficult to follow film since Primer. Halfway through it I realised I had no idea what was going on and why, and why any of the characters where acting in these baffling ways, but the film just continued. It very rarely stops to explain what is happening, and when it does it just gets more confusing. For example, about a third of a way through the movie, one of the characters seemingly explodes (for no reason), firing blood all over another characters shirt. Later on the protagonist hears a noise that somehow signifies that not only did character 1 not explode, he's gone to get help. What kind of noise would signify this? Where did the blood come from? How did the character just vanish? Why didn't he say he was going? This film raises many questions, none of which are answered ever. The filmmakers must be utterly mental, to look at the script and think "yep, this is cohesive and makes sense."Script: As was mentioned earlier the entire thing is impossible to follow, their are cutaways that have nothing to do with the rest of the film, scenes (I'm looking at you newsroom scenes) that are completely unnecessary, but perhaps the most baffling thing of all is the characters. The three main characters all share one trait, and that is that they love to goof around and play zany pranks, but these pranks are played at such inappropriate times that you begin to question the sanity of the characters, although you'd do that anyway. After the Things are born and eat a secondary characters wife the reaction of our three heroes is "Oh no, better get back to the kitchen." And here they sit, telling nonsensical jokes like "how do you get paper children? F*ck a bag lady," and completely failing to do anything about the encroaching menace. This is there sole character trait, and it's one that makes no sense and is totally inappropriate. Acting: Poor across the board, not a single ounce of emotion is brought across by the actors across the entirety of the movie.Cinematography: The cinematography fails largely due to the mental editing, but one hilarious scene stands out. As the characters sit around their table, the once bright light suddenly fades to be ever so slightly dimmer. "Oh no, looks like the lights have gone out," says our protagonist, as he sits in a brightly lit area, the light clearly showing off the characters irritation at this sudden lack of vision.Music and sound: The music could not be more tonally out of place if it was ripped from an episode of Barney the purple Dinosaur, but the audio of the characters lines is baffling. It is badly dubbed over, and the difference between what they originally recorded and what they dubbed over is as obvious as a brick to the skull. The sound is terribly mixed, with some scenes being totally silent except for some music, and others having the loudest dialogue ever.Makeup and prosthetics: This is the only area where the movie is even semi competent, although no real praise is forthcoming. The only positive is at least they had prosthetics, and they did make me feel sick, but only because of how terrible they were. They look hideous, in both senses of the word, both fake and disgusting. Towards the end I was genuinely beginning to feel sick, because of how horrible it all was.Monsters: The "THINGS" do not move. They sit there and look horrible, and then are occasionally pushed along or placed at strategic points to give the illusion that they are attacking someone. At the very least they are not scary in the slightest.As horrible and incompetent as things is, I can't hate it. I was fully entertained the whole way through, because my mind was desperately struggling to understand what on earth was going on. I would totally recommend you watch it, but you'd better be ready for confusion

Wow...There have been many films that have come along that have achieved a level of awfulness so great that they become legendary. I could name a dozen off the top of my head, a dozen that in one way or another ended up defining a Director/Actor's career, a genre, or a generation. You may see so many of these films in your lifetime, or at the very least witness the countless references from a variety of sources, and you'll usually leave with the same question: can it get any worse than this? It can. It has. It may have happened all the way back in 1989, but in my estimation, it may never be this perfect ever again. What exactly happened? THINGS happened.What is the plot? It doesn't matter. Who are the characters? It doesn't matter. Should you care about anything that happens? That really depends on the stability of your own mind. Is it entertaining? As entertaining a movie of this caliber can be. What exactly is wrong with it? Everything....and yet, nothing at all.This is a movie that exists (and succeeds) on its own twisted level of distress and incompetence that it's amazing it can still be classified as a "movie." Whereas most films rely on the cohesion of its parts to form a unified whole, THINGS approaches an unparallelled level of disconnection between everything that's supposed to be holding it together that you may find yourself wondering if this is just some horrible dream.And this is where the film succeeds. This is where THINGS comes together in all its glory. No other film in all my years of watching films has come closer than this film has to accurately duplicating the experience of a nightmare, failing in every respect to address the following questions with clarity and logic: Who are these people? What are they doing? Where are we? What am I looking at? What is that? What just happened? When will this end? (This final question compounded more so by the never ending credits that suggest a full cast & crew of hard working filmmakers, but whose contributions nevertheless remain inexplicable.) This is the kind of dream that is so confounding, so intrusive on your own solace, that to finally be granted the relief of having it end would only bring about the worst headache imaginable.THINGS is unparallelled and unequalled. No other film is as great a contradiction of style and execution. It is awful in the absence of coherence and logic, and yet still manages to reach a level of perfection because of it. If you truly want to experience the greatest of the great bad films, then do what you can to find THINGS. Trust me when I say it's an experience you'll never forget. Ever.

"Things" really has to be seen to be believed:it's perhaps one of the worst pieces of late 80's horror garbage I have seen including such abysmal low-budget atrocities like "The Shaman" or "Return of the Family Man".The ugliness oozes from the screen,the cinematography is amateurish,the acting is diabolical and the script is so disjointed that it doesn't make sense.Two lazy beer drinkers go to this creepy house to drink tons of beer from the icebox and end up having to fight some ant-like monsters with sharp jaws that were born from woman's womb.Utterly awful and inept piece of garbage with Casio keyboard music,laughable dialogue and paper-mache effects.A porn star Amber Lynn plays the small part of reporter:she clearly enjoys reading news from cue cards.A must-see for fans of the worst horror films ever made.You won't believe your eyes-"Things" is a sheer genius of atrocious cinema.

There is only one.There is no other.If you've been looking for the best, you've now found it.To those who saw it and disliked it: you'll die never understanding.I won't review the plot here, as there has been enough of that already. Such descriptions may provide information on the physical details of the events in the films, but there is something indescribable in the way it is put together.If you want to understand, FIND IT! It is rare, but worth it indeed....and if you dare, order his second film, Wicked World, from his very own website: www.barryjgillis.com Long live the best film ever made: THINGS!