Best movie of this year hands down!

Memorable, crazy movie

Good films always raise compelling questions, whether the format is fiction or documentary fact.

The movie's neither hopeful in contrived ways, nor hopeless in different contrived ways. Somehow it manages to be wonderful

Malarkey from cobbled footage of three films (the first discarded and unfinished but actually my favorite of the three!) is continuity hell, truly looking like a piecemeal project, quite the editing botch-job. God and Satan debate over who gets the souls of the characters contained in three separate tales. The night train of the title features rejects from Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo doing a song-and-breakdance while the Great Debate occurs in a different compartment. The first deals with poor John Philip Law seemingly condemned to a rather insignificant slasher film set in an asylum as Richard Moll, of all people, is a henchman with an active participation in severing the body parts of female victims Law picks up in bars (Law is the unfortunate "patient" placed under hypnosis in the institution, ordered to do the bidding of the administrator who runs the place!), with the bits and pieces sold black market! This has lots of naked victims strapped and bound to hospital gurneys and a surprising amount of bloodletting. It is horrendously edited, though, and barely makes sense beyond the initial premise. The second film is just a laughable "death game" competition where a select group participate in a series of challenges where the end result for the unlucky loser is a rather unpleasant demise (the electric shock gag had me in ribbons, not to mention, the dangerous fly the size of a man's hand; the final game has the unfortunate loser have a 250 pound dumbbell dropped on their head, swinging around with the rope steadily cut by a saw). Again, this one has excerpts from another movie thrown together and barely cohesive (well, not cohesive at all), but the girl that is the object of the affections of her "handler" and a boyfriend that meets her while she's shagging a college pal in a dorm gets full frontal and out of her clothes so it has that going for it. The third tale is a dull demonic affair where Satan himself (I thought we had already established who that is, but I digress…), in the guise of the same young Teen Idol looks of a devious chap named Olivier over several wars (as a Nazi, he is recognized by a Jewish concentration camp survivor) who could have been Damien from the Omen movies as a twenty-something. Claymation effects involving demons are applied (considered by many to be hilariously lame), including a sequence where minions from hell reach for the heroine who will be chosen to do battle against God's greatest adversary. Richard Moll is the heroine's atheist hubby, a media figure with a publication on how "God is dead", and whose own soul is in jeopardy. Her hack job supposedly to Satan on an operating table is pure Grand Guignol.The conversations between God and Satan on the train, following (or just before) the jiving kids and their singing for the camera directly at us further add a thick layer of Velveeta to the already rubbish stitch-job anthology strung together with bailey wire, duck tape, and Elmer's glue. Not without its moments, but perhaps the three movies should have been left well enough alone (maybe, though, without Night Train they never would have seen the light of day or had been remotely provided the platform or promotion given here). I imagine this would make the ideal double header with A Night to Dismember. The makeup effects (a head explodes blood all over a girl he's making out with thanks to the runaway fly; another body gradually deteriorates during an electric shock) are rather low budget misfires, practical effects quite pitifully performed. There's even an unfortunate train miniature substituting the real thing. For lovers of rancid cinema.

Amicus-wannabe horror anthology that begins with a clip from the worst music video ever before we get to God and Satan sitting on a train telling stories. We'll return to the music video in between each story. The first of these stories is about a man taken to an asylum, where he is hypnotized and forced to go out and bring more people to the asylum to have their organs harvested. Dumb and nasty. The second story is a real trip. A young woman gets involved with a gross guy who quickly has her doing porn. Then some frat boy sees her in one of the pornos and falls in love. So he seeks her out (we have a word for this today) and the two become a thing. But the gangster doesn't like it so he takes them to a club that gets off on deadly Russian roulette-type stunts. Very badly edited and impossible to take seriously. The story's end is told rather than shown. The third story is about a cop and the wife of a famous atheist trying to stop an immortal disciple of Satan. The best of the three stories but still it falls short of its potential by a mile. The oddly-inserted not-so-special effects sequences ruin any atmosphere or suspense.The cast is stocked with mostly unrecognizable faces. Among the few exceptions are John Phillip Law, Ferdy Mayne, Night Court's Richard Moll (playing two roles), and Hollywood vets Cameron Mitchell and Marc Lawrence (he's special, he gets two death scenes). The dialogue is terrible with many unintentionally funny lines and exchanges. An example is early in the first story when the nurse enters the room and the doctor asks her how the new patient is. She responds "Belligerent, as usual." To which the doctor replies "He's a VERY handsome man." What? Oscar-winning screenwriter Philip Yordan is credited with the script. I have no idea what his excuse was for this but it must have been a doozy. Poor acting and directing, ugly aesthetics, laughable narration, an obtrusive music score, and even a joke of a martial arts fight scene. Trash enthusiasts will like to hear there are cheesy stop-motion effects, cheap gore, a break dancing interlude, and topless women throughout.It's a weird movie, for sure, and one with more than a little bit of "so bad it's good" appeal. I've read that it was cobbled together from three other movies, which makes a lot of sense given the poor editing where scenes cut from one to the other and skip over anything that resembles a natural transition. The whole thing appears to have been financed by the change producer/director Jay Schlossberg-Cohen found in his couch. It's garbage but there are some laughs to be had at its expense, if you are in the right sort of mood when you see it.

Satan (Tony Giorgio) and God (Ferdy Mayne) are sitting on a train discussing whether man is evil, and this is the backdrop wherein three films have parts taken out and used in an anthology on the subject.The first segment is from Marilyn Alive and Behind Bars (aka Scream Your Head Off), about a man (John Phillip Law) who jumps off a bridge after killing his wife while driving drunk. It didn't make a lot of sense, and jumped all over the place, but it had a lot of blood and nudity. It also had Richard Moll from "Night Court" with hair in the only movie I have seen him in.In the second segment from Carnival of Fools (aka Death Wish Club), Rick Barnes, who was also in the first film, falls in love with Gretta (Merideth Haze), who was a mistress of a rich man (J. Martin Sellers), who didn't take kindly to being dumped. It had some gruesome effects, but a little weird.The final segment has Cameron Mitchell as a policemen facing Satan. Great looking devil.It was an interesting anthology except for the irritating Hanson-type band and their break dancing.

This was the worst movie ever! I cant believe they called this piece of crap a movie! It barely had anything to do with a train. Every time i hear that song that the piece of crap rock band sings i die a little. The stories were ridiculous. I almost fell asleep from this junk! These were the worst special effects i have seen (including anything from the 1930's.) I cried ,i was laughing so hard! There was more cheese in this movie than 30 cheese sandwiches. Do not watch this. I feel bad for the directors. Heres how this "movie" was made: 1- The director called a meeting. At the meeting he said,"Hey guys Im making a movie called night train to terror.You guys get to do whatever you feel like except change the title. Heres 5 bucks. Get me a movie and meet me back here on Tuesday. 2- On tuesday, they began editing it. All the editors fell asleep while watching this disgrace.3- Some more directors came to help get it approved.4- They killed the editor and forged his signature. Now they had their disaster of a movie.That was how we got cursed.This is the reason of many deaths. This thing they call a movie made me feel like i was dying. Whatever this sucky thing is, its not a movie.