3-Headed Shark Attack
July. 20,2015The world’s greatest killing machine is three times as deadly when a mutated shark threatens a cruise ship. As the shark eats its way from one end of the ship to the next, the passengers fight the deadly predator using anything they can find.
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People are voting emotionally.
Don't Believe the Hype
The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.
It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.
With a title like 3 Headed Shark Attack if you are watching as a serious movie you need to book an extra appointment with your therapist. Take it for what it is, fun, young pretty people, average CGI, big bad monster, blood guts n gore, get your popcorn and soda and don't think for 90 minutes, bliss
The Three Acts:The initial tableaux: First snapshot: We see the monster in the first few minutes. We start at some sort of ocean-side resort where we have a skinny dipping dare. Right in the middle of this, the 3 headed shark attacks and kills a woman, then three men.Second snapshot: Maggie starts as a new intern at an oceanographic research station, The Persephone, a big chunk of which is underwater. The station is placed near the Great Pacific Garbage Patch to study the effects of garbage on the ocean ecology. Persephone aims to join forces with special interest groups to help save the planet. While on the initial tour with one of the special interest groups, Maggie meets Greg again, whom she knew in undergraduate school.Delineation of conflicts: The 3-headed shark is hungry, and eats people, while the people would rather go on living. Persephone staff try to keep people safe, but the shark has other ideas. After the shark destroys the station, a few survive and escape on a small boat. Max Burns diverts the fishing expedition he's leading to try to help. The shark diverts to attack a booze cruise ship. Resolution: Will the booze cruise be saved, or will clichés be enforced?
While I didn't think much at all of 2-Headed Shark Attack, this was worse. The former at least tried to be fun (although the cheapness and ineptitude of it all got in the way) and had one cast member who tried, but 3-Headed Shark Attack takes itself too seriously, as well as being so stupid and being unoriginal in doing so, with next to nothing that makes it stand out from other shark movies (apart from with the shark) and wastes the talent it has.3-Headed Shark Attack is by far the worst looking of the SyFy shark movies aired this year. Any nice scenery that the movie has is difficult to appreciate when the movie is shot in such a drab way and when it's edited so amateurishly that bacon-slicer-like editing looks more refined. Worst of all in this regard are the effects, as it was made on low-budget it would have been forgiven a little if it was not great, but when the effects for the shark look as if no effort was given in making them without looking so goofy and unfinished-looking that is hard to ignore, the only thing that it has that's superior for that of 2-Headed Shark Attack is that the size is more consistent. So is the shark's lack of presence or personality, it's not menacing, it's not scary and it's not fun, it's not even strong enough to bring any unintentional humour or goofiness, that's how bland it is. Music is very generic and adds very little, it's not always appropriate either.The movie's writing ranges between incredibly bad to appalling, with the exception of two dark comedy moments with the head inside the shark and the boy riding the shark as if skiing, and they only raised a mild chuckle and like they were lifted right out of other shark movies (the latter being a little like in Sharknado 2). Any comedy is incredibly forced and is so cheesy it is enough to make the eyes roll in disbelief, while the more serious moments are very awkwardly written and as trite as anybody can possibly go. The attacks are far too rushed, lack any kind of suspense and the over-silliness to the point of intelligence-insulting stupidity, terrible shark effects, bad editing and even more gratuitous gore further cheapen them. To describe the story as weak is being too insulting to the word weak, it is a very lethargically paced and thin as ice story with lots of padding that is either badly written or serves no point at all to the movie, other than attempts at novelty value, which falls flat on its face because it all feels so tired. It is not fun, it is not scary and it is not thrilling or suspenseful, it's just nothing but tired stupidity.As for the characters, that they're tired clichés isn't so much a problem, the problem is that they are either obnoxious with them constantly doing stupid things, so bland that it makes zombies seem more animated or both. Some of them are superfluous to the story or come and go out of nowhere constantly. The direction is as flat as a pancake, and the acting is awful with the unforgivable waste of Danny Trejo being one of the movie's biggest offences. Trejo, no matter how hard he tries, has nothing to work with with none of his material playing to his strengths as a performer, and he over-compensates as a result, for someone like Trejo who has a knack for raising a lot of bad movies up a notch it's shameful. Everybody else either overacts painfully or are amateurishly bland.In summary, despite the small bit of originality with the shark 3-Headed Shark Attack is a dreadful movie all round and near-indefensible. 1/10 Bethany Cox
The Three-Headed Shark Attack is an entertainingly bad film, and as it's title is a thematic/quality giveaway no one is going to be expecting Citizen Kane 2 (Rosebud's Revenge). On the plus side, the shark is an effective CGI creation and there is enough chomping to keep the pizza-movie viewer happy. But, the film is often slack in terms of narrative with some padding in the first section. For example, one sequence has three characters slowly take turns swimming out to a boat with the same outcome each time, plus, there is an odd 'rescue' bit in which a group seek out the hapless Howard and save him from being buried alive under some chairs. More shark action would have been good in lieu of such time-wasting. However, there are also many marvellous plots turns and visual points that compensate and which will amaze viewers, like: a victim taken by the shark even though he is only in ankle-deep water; a bullet-proof shark; a group who reason that staying on an island is much riskier then setting back out onto the high seas in rickety boats; angst about reaching land when land is clearly visible on either side of a boat and looks about a mile away in either direction; machinegun-toting fishermen; a nice Danny Trejo self-film reference; shark-skiing, an ending that is pretty much the same as Mega Piranha (and equally illogical); many characters obsessed with engaging in swimming races with the titular multi-noggined beast, and, best of all, Rob Van Dam rocking the socks with sandals look.